So yesterday I got discharged from the hospital and found out I was hypersensitive. (To things that stimulate the senses. The guy running psychotherapy that wasn’t Steve who usually runs psychotherapy today asked me what I was hypersensitive to after I told him I couldn’t stand the noise and had just found this fact out.)

Which explains why I want to punch everyone in the face.

Over the past 6 days I’ve gotten increasingly anxious and angry while in the day room listening to kids with talking privileges have millions of stupid conversations and the ones who don’t whisper and there’s other voices, sometimes someone’s arguing, sometimes there’s someone yelling, there’s the staff talking and I can hear EVERYTHING that happens in the whole unit and I want to rip my ears off and scream and jump out of the window and punch every single one of them until they SHUT UP and then breathe again and just savor the silence.

I had a really bad day today, and a bad day yesterday.

I don’t like being around all of these ignorant, asshole, immature, loud, insensitive, inconsiderate, unintelligent fuckers. 

I ACTUALLY WANTED TO GET HELP

I DON’T WANT TO ANYMORE AND IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL SO FUCKING LOUD AND EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS IGNORANT!

THEY’RE TRYING TO MAKE ME SOCIAL AND I EXPLAINED IT ALL A MILLION TIMES! I DON’T WANT FRIENDS. EVER. I HATE BEING WITH PEOPLE. I HATE LISTENING TO THEM, LOOKING AT THEM, PRETENDING I’M INTERESTED IN THEM WHILE I’M FUCKING CORRECTING THEIR GRAMMAR IN MY HEAD!!!

THEN I FINALLY FREAKED OUT YESTERDAY AND TOLD THEM ALL I HATED THEM.

I shouldn’t have agreed to do outpatient.

All I want to do is cut. 

The first time I got out I immediately attempted suicide. Why didn’t it work? It should have worked! I took enough pills.

HAH these little motherfuckers don’t know what a suicide attempt is. They say “I attempted suicide by taking 12 benadryl.” “I took 21 prozac” “I slit my wrists.”

That isn’t a suicide attempt. Were you even trying??

Try sitting in a bathroom for hours shoveling 200+ assorted medications down your throat after drinking a glass of milk and pepto bismol to keep you from throwing up? Oh and washing it all down with a bottle of NyQuil?

Now that’s what I call a suicide attempt, pussies.

That’s how we roll down here in my life.